2018 has been a whirlwind of a year for me and as we prepare ourselves for 2019, I thought I’d reflect on how this year has been for me mentally. As someone that has mental health issues, issues that reached a pinnacle this year, it’s only right that I shared my story. My testimony. This is nothing to shy away from. It’s nothing to ignore or fear being judged. This is real life and the best way to tackle it, is head on.
On July 5, 2018 I was admitted into the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I’ve never had these thoughts before. Before then, I had suffered from depression and anxiety, both of which I’ve discussed previously on the blog. After battling depression and anxiety for well over a decade, I reached a point where I could no longer control what I was feeling inside.
I share my story not to have people give me sympathy. I share my story to be an inspiration to others.I am not afraid to say that I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for over a decade. I am tired of hiding the fact that I take medication every day. I am also tired of thinking that there will be a “cure” for how I feel.
Not many people know what I’ve been through, but is there ever a right time to talk about this. Why must we continue to shelter ourselves and hide what is going on inside of our minds when so many people can relate, and hell, even help.
I have had to make a lot of changes and sacrifices for my sanity. I gave up the career path I thought I always wanted for my peace of mind. I see it this way. My happiness is what truly matters. I cannot expect or depend on people or things to make me feel better. I am resilient and this is just another hurdle I’m going through. To all those out there that can relate, keep pushing. Keep going. The best is yet to come.